After attending a day-long seminar for church leaders on the subject of the sexual abuse of children, my co-pastors and I agreed that our parents urgently needed to hear what we’d learned. (Find responses to this seminar here.) We didn’t do this because there is any problem at Bear Creek Church. Thus, I have now been exposed to just 8 hours of training on the subject. Here are ten things that stand out:
1. 2. 3. Though disappointing, this should come as no surprise. After all, churches are places where people are to be loved just as they are. This means the church is an accepting, loving place.4. The guy jumping out of the bushes? By the time someone gets to court there is usually so much evidence against them you ‘ll just wind up embarrassing yourself.
5. 6. Why? Because children are taught to obey adults, they are often scared by the offender and his threats, and sometimes they love the offender in spite of what he’s done. On video, one man testified that he thought his hundreds of victims liked being molested, as he’d like being molested when he was a boy since in his dysfunctional family rape passed for affection.
7. A murderer needs only to be overpowering. But a child molester has to pull the wool over everybody’s eyes and get children to trust them. So they are usually the last person you would ever suspect of such a thing.
8. Be with them. Don’t leave them to the care of others. Don’t let them travel with others. Don’t let them spend the night at other people’s homes. If someone creeps you out, go with your instinct. Begin early building a policy of complete honesty with your child. 9. Involve parents in all activities. before asking new people to participate in leadership. Do thorough background checks on everyone asked to be in leadership of any program.10. If you think something has happened, don’t interrogate your child: this may cause them to clam up. Get the experts’ help in finding out what happened and do so right away. One detective with lots of experience in this field told me that responding quickly reduces the trauma to the child. Be sure you do not contact the suspect (they can intimidate your child with one threat to kill their pet or a sibling, or even with an icy look).
Those in law enforcement, in probation and parole, or in social work who help to protect our children do so with giant hearts in a very oppressive environment. Please remember to pray for them in their Jesus-like work.
With admiration for these guardians and with respect for courageous parents raising little ones, I remain committed to your child’s security for eternity as in this life,
Pastor Dale