2. YOUR TESTIMONY: Say what you will about the Lord’s work in your life, but when people see that your children are out of control, your testimony won’t mean much to them.

3. MINISTRY OPPORTUNITIES: If you’re up to your eyeballs in corralling children who are slow to obey, you won’t have the time or energy to serve the Lord.

4. YOUR HEALTH: Disobedient children can make you sick – literally – because you are anxious, worried, fearful, or simply because you don’t get enough sleep!

5. YOUR CHILD’S SAFETY: Your children need to hear your voice amidst all the noise and respond, for their own health and welfare. This is true whether we’re talking about the way little ones behave around a pool, or the way adolescents choose their friends: their lives can be at risk if they don’t listen to Mom and Dad above the din!

6. YOUR CHILD’S SALVATION: you can’t force your children to know and love the Lord. But so much of a good relationship with the Lord can be modeled in their relationship with Mom and Dad.

7. YOUR CHILD’S ATTITUDES: Any parent can bully a child into submission. Instead, we want our children to comply with glad hearts. So immediate obedience with a glad heart is critical since it addresses the child’s motives, and not his or her behavior only.

8. YOUR CHILD’S SIBLINGS: If one or more of your children are out of control, it is going to be real hard for you to parent those other kids properly. That challenging child will get more attention, much of it negative, and this is likely have a deleterious affect on the other children.

9. OBEDIENCE TO SCRIPTURE: This should be obvious. There are so many scriptures that command us to take serious our children’s rearing, nurture, and discipline. Making sure that our children are under loving command is not an option for the believing parent.

10. HAPPINESS: I’ve met people who think that winning their child’s immediate compliance, with a glad heart, must be drudgery and a ton of hard work. It does require a strategy, the unity of Mom and Dad, and consistency. But believe me the results are soooooo worth it. As I watch parents struggle with their children I often wonder why they don’t put all that angst and tension into a concerted effort to eliminate the disobedience and rebellion in their children or teens so they can all relax and enjoy each other’s company!?

1. Don’t get all worked up about doing this. Sure, it’s a marathon, it’s 26 miles, it can be a great challenge. But here’s another way of looking at it. If you can walk, at a fairly good clip, for 7 hours, you can finish a marathon. So don’t be scared. Marathon courses can smell fear. Don’t get all worked up about it: you’ll do great. The worst thing that can happen is you stop short of the finish and try again next time. That’s not a defeat, it’s practice. No big. Try to keep a calm attitude about this. Have fun. Don’t stress. Do one, and you’ll be way more relaxed the second time around.
2. Start your training really, really slow. I’ve encouraged others to take up running and always encourage them to start way slower than they think they should. Nonetheless, people get all excited and go out and overdo it. Don’t. If you hurt yourself, it can take months to heal and by then you’ll be all depressed and may not ever run again. So get a good plan in place to work up, very slowly, to your goal. There are lots of such plans, free, available on the internet.
3. Start really, really slow. Did I already say this? It bears repeating. You want to have fun with this, right? Well, getting injured is no fun. So start slow. Just walk. Then walk a little more. Then a little more…
4. Don’t spend a lot of money. One of the beauties of running, on top of the fact that you can do it almost anywhere, is that it can be such an economical sport. Really all you need are some comfortable clothes and good shoes (though with the rise in popularity of barefoot running, even those are becoming optional). There is tons of expensive gear and lots of gadgets out there, but I suggest you resist the temptation to spend a lot of dough, which you’ll need for the race registration (which is not cheap). You don’t have to have any of that stuff. Just some comfy clothes and some good shoes.
5. Never do anything new the day of the race. You’ll go to the race expo and see all the aforementioned gadgets and gear and be tempted, but never ever try anything new the day of the race. Wear the same clothes and shoes you’ve been wearing, eat the same foods, get the same rest, and do everything just the way you’ve been doing it during your training.
6. Remember that tiny issues get big over 26 miles. So little things can become very irritating. Paying attention to these tips (like #5: avoiding doing anything new or different) can prevent the exasperation that comes when little problems loom large by mile 18. Try to have everything taken care of.
7. At your first race, I suggest you pay no attention to the time, whatsoever. Don’t even wear a watch and don’t look at the timers. Just go out there and have fun and don’t hurt yourself. Then, on your next race, if you want to race the clock, you’ll have an idea of what you can do and what you can reasonably shoot for. But, at your first race, there’s no need to create extra anxiety by creating possibly unrealistic expectations which can so easily be changed by the weather, your tummy, an irritated toe, whatever.
8. A sensitive subject: I’ve had great luck with Vaseline to prevent chafing. As I’m dressing, I apply it liberally, especially to my underarms. It goes on sticky but soon you won’t know it’s there. They sell expensive stuff that goes on like a roll-on and I tried one but it stayed sticky and wasn’t near as helpful as simple, cheap Vaseline. At some races, they hand it out in mid-course on ice cream sticks for people who need it. But at one race I saw one guy grab one of those sticks and stick it in his mouth, thinking it was to eat.
9. It’s embarrassing to admit this in public, but here goes: I tape my nipples. Even with a good poly shirt I once wound up with bloody nipples (just typing “bloody nipples” makes me cringe) and I don’t ever want that to happen again. I am careful to do this before applying the Vaseline so as to make sure the bandages stick the whole long race.
10. Bring a checklist to the race. You’re not likely to sleep very good the night before the race since you’ll be concerned about waking up early and having everything ready to go. A good checklist can help alleviate some of this anxiety. I’ll add one to the end here just to get you started.
11. Keep all your stuff in one special bag. If you’re traveling to a race, you’ll have your regular luggage but you don’t want your race stuff mingling with your street stuff. So dedicate one special bag just for your race stuff. If you’re not sure you will get it back, go to Goodwill and buy a cheap one so you won’t care if you leave it behind.
12. Speaking of Goodwill, that’s a great place to buy a cheap jacket to wear in the early minutes or hours of cool morning races. Once you warm up you can toss it at an aid station. Most races donate these spent garments back to something like Goodwill.
13. If you wind up with aches and pains in your feet or legs or hips or whatever during training, take a break. And get some help. I’ve made several visits to a physical therapist and to a specialty shoe store near my home and they have saved my feet with a couple of cheapo remedies. Why suffer? You can get answers without spending a lot of money. There is also a lot of advice for such problems on the internet, and much of it is very helpful.
14. Pin your number to your jersey the night before. You don’t want to find out the morning of the race that you only have three pins, not four. Having that thing flapping around for 26 miles can be a big pain. Pin it where it will be out of your way but easily seen by race officials and the cameras that will take your picture as you run. Same thing with the chip, if your race is using one: attach it to your shoe the night before. You want to have as little to think about the morning of the race as possible.
15. If you’re in a hotel the night before, bring an old-fashioned wind-up clock to make sure you’ll awaken in plenty of time to get to the start. Depending on electrical gadgets can create anxiety when you worry that the local generating plant may run out of coal hours before your big race, or whatever. Use a wind-up and you’ll probably sleep better.
16. Because you’ve worked up to the race, you’ll already know what works as far as nutrition. Again, don’t experiment the day of the race. Me, I do great on three scrambled eggs and two slices of wheat toast at least 2 hours before the race begins, and then a couple of hard-boiled eggs during the race and a few shots of Gu or something similar. That recipe may be disaster for you. Everyone has their own likes and dislikes: I love the vanilla bean or orange gu, but anything chocolate makes me head to the restroom.
17. Speaking of the bathroom, gotta take up this unpleasant subject. My suggestion is this: try to get your plumbing regulated in the weeks before the race (NOT two days before). Use prunes or coffee or whatever to teach your body to go an hour after you wake up. On race day, get up early enough to allow your body to go through this routine BEFORE the race. There is nothing more discouraging than watching chip time go by as you sit in a disgusting outhouse listening to everyone else clop by. I wouldn’t know: this has never happened to me, thankfully. Pretty good for an old guy, huh?
18. I do tend to have to pee a lot, and that’s okay. But I’m a guy and we usually have a much easier time of it than you gals, since we can usually pee anywhere and on race day, actually do. Don’t know what to tell you women. But better that you have to pee , than not. I’m no sports physiologist, but if you’re peeing you’re probably getting enough fluids. See your doctor.
19. I’ve never had an issue with blisters. At races I wear those socks that are doubled in on themselves, so the fabric is rubbing against itself instead of you. That’s the theory, anyway, and it’s worked for me, I guess. If you have problems with blisters you might try a pair of those. I got mine at Big 5 but I haven’t seen them there since. I’ll bet you can find them online.
20. Pay attention to your toenails. Again, little problems grow large over 26 miles, so if you have one that is cutting into a neighboring toe this can lead to trouble. Keep them comfortably trimmed back so they won’t bother each other, and so that they won’t be slamming into the front of your shoes on the downhills. But don’t trim them the night before the race: do it three or four days out in case there are any problems. Don’t want any sensitivity from these little guys. The night before the race give them a light going-over with an emery board, but try to avoid any trimming.
21. Figure out your lacing situation. Learn how you must tie your shoes to avoid any issues with them during the race. It’s a pain to have to stop and re-tie during the race, and by late in the race it becomes literally a pain. So get your laces sorted out before the race.
22. If race rules allow an iPod, use it. I have found it so much better than just plodding along, hearing nothing but my now-pained feet turning over slowly. I listen to good sermons or inspiring music. Be sure to have all your issues squared away before race day: you don’t want to be fussing with headphones or iPod armbands and what-not at mile 17.
23. Me, I’m not a fan of those hydration belts and backpacks. They’re expensive, they drive me crazy as they bang around back there, and there is usually plenty of liquid available on the course itself. If I felt the need to carry water, which I don’t, I would just use one of those hand-held bottles with the strap around your palm.
24. Not all races are created equal. I’ve done the Portland (Oregon) Marathon three times, the Wine Country (Healdsburg, CA) Marathon and the Marine Corps (Washington, DC) Marathon. By far, my favorite was the Marine Corps Marathon. It was a perfect fall day, we were running around the nation’s best and most beautiful monuments, and the crowd participation and enthusiasm was high the ENTIRE route (did they pay all those people???). And, by its nature, the Marine Corps Marathon attracted a bunch of military and there is nothing so moving as running with veterans missing legs and arms and whole squads of gung-ho Marines carrying an American flag high for 26 miles. I did the Army 10-miler in DC too and that was awesome also. The Portland Marathon, if the weather isn’t miserable, offers a lot of really interesting stuff to see that you never would notice just driving by. The Wine Country Marathon was on a hot day and I preferred that to cold. So, if you can, try different races and enjoy each of them for what they uniquely offer.
25. I’m a fan of hat-wearing. I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want to wear a hat. If it’s hot, you’ll appreciate the visor; if it’s raining, it will keep the rain off your face. I wear glasses, so a hat is necessary in the event of rain. If you think you may not like to wear a hat, get a cheapie so you can jettison it without guilt if you wish. They’re like 50 cents at Good will.
26. Now a word about the spiritual dimension of running. I think running is a great pastime for Christians, for many reasons. In training, you have lots of time to pray or listen to good teaching; building physical endurance is good practice for building spiritual stamina; it’s something you usually do alone, so you don’t have to worry much about damaging, or boosting, your ego; and the physical benefits will make you more fit for service to the Lord, longer. Hopefully, that is: “Man knows not his time!” (Ecclesiastes 9:12.) But reduced weight and cardiovascular health may mean you get more time, and can be more productive with it.

Finally, here’s a short list of some stuff to be sure to bring to the race:

Shoes, socks, shorts, shirt, underpants, Vaseline, Jacket (cheap one, that can be left at roadside), bandages, extra laces, Emery boards, watch, race number & chip, pins, Ibuprofen, nutrition (Gu, energy bars, hard boiled eggs, etc!)

Go ahead and vote, by all means. But be sure to do these ten things first. Important as voting is, these are even more important.

1. Humble up.  Elections are often described as “battles,” and war breeds pride among both victors and the vanquished. Don’t be a casualty of this war.

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. …  Phil. 2:3-11

2. Love your wife or respect your husband. The best thing you married folk can do for the USA is to be a grand illustration of the love of God for His people as only married people can be, by His design.  Ignore your wife, or disdain your husband, and your vote is unhelpful.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.  Eph. 5:30-32

3. Pray for Barack Obama.  Love him or not, we’re charged with this responsibility. Can that kind of power and glory not corrupt a man or woman?

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.  I Timothy 2:1-2

4. Love your enemies (candidates, lobbies, lifestyles, etc.).  Jesus demands it.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? … Matthew 5:43-48

5. Remember that salvation comes from the Lord, not Uncle Sam, Nancy Pelosi or Mitch McConnell.  Providence over politics.  Evangelism over polling.  Devotion before activism.

And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”  Acts 4:12

6. Be aware that under the political battles are spiritual ones. Give your heart and soul to spiritual battles, not only the political ones. Though they can overlap, they are different battles, fought differently, with different aims.

 

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.  Ephesians 6:12

7. Spend more time in the Word, less with the talking heads.  The radio and TV guys make their living by keeping you riled up.  Prefer the “peace that surpasses understanding.”

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.  Colossians 3:16

8. Give your time and heart and money to things that will last forever, not just the next election cycle, or for four years.

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  Matthew 6:19-21

9. Pray for the candidates’ families.  How can those spouses and kids survive that scrutiny?  Some don’t.  Is it right to sacrifice a childhood to public service?  Pray that good intentions will translate into godly priorities, despite the close attention and pressure.

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.  I Timothy 2:1-2

10.  Support the church. Through thick and thin, over thousands of years, it’s the people of God who prevail.

So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord.  Ephesians 2:19-21

11. Did I say “ten things?”  Here’s a freebie: seek wisdom.  Wisdom for our candidates, for elected officials, in voting.  Wisdom is better than knowledge.  Don’t get me wrong: knowledge is good.  But some smart people are fools, while some uneducated people are very wise.  Wisdom is better than knowledge.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.  Ephesians 2:15-17

Some people struggle with predestination, so they try to get God off the hook with a wrong view of foreknowledge. These people understand Romans 8:29 to be saying that God merely chooses us because He is able to know—in advance—that we will choose Him. They can’t get around the fact that God chooses us, but attempt to soften the blow with a particular view of foreknowledge that makes it less offensive to our independent minds. So, what is foreknowledge?

An illustration typically given is that of a person watching a parade from a high roof-top. From this vantage point he is able to see the entire parade instead of just the single part seen by those in the parade. The parade represents people in all of time and history, and the roof-top observer represents God. Since God is outside of the parade (or time), He has a perspective that allows Him to see all of it at once – including our decision concerning Christ. With this understanding, foreknowledge is defined as the future aspect of God’s omniscience. He has knowledge (the state of knowing), before. Though it is true that God knows the beginning and the end, the question at hand is whether this is the intended meaning of the word foreknowledge?

Isaiah 46:9-10 reveals God as knowing all, but it also tells us that God’s way of knowing is different than ours.

“I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ’My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose,”

Notice that His way of knowing is completely different than our way of knowing. We observe, gather information, react, and grow; but God declares and accomplishes all that He purposes. We imagine God knowing the future in a way that we would (if we could), but the above passage reveals that He does not just see the future, He declares it. God does not learn and grow in knowledge (this would contradict His attribute of immutability – unchanging in all of his attributes); He speaks everything into existence, and it is accomplished as He sovereignly ordains. So, God does not simply know the future, He creates it. An honest look at Scripture – one that tries to fit all of the doctrinal pieces together – will lead you to reject the idea that foreknowledge is simply God seeing, or knowing before it happens.

The reason many people define foreknowledge in this way is because it gives an apparent answer to predestination – a doctrine that disturbs their sense of fairness, and seems confusing in light of their own experience of choosing to follow Jesus. One may say, “Yes, I know I am saved by grace, but it just doesn’t seem fair or right that God would have the power to save everyone, but choose to only save some.” This definition of foreknowledge seems to give an answer to their problem. They think, “God is now fair in choosing because He merely knew (our decision for Christ) beforehand. God still had His choice; it just happened to be based on ours … right?” Wrong.

An honest look at Scripture is not just a search to discover an answer to something we don’t like; it’s a humble recognition that our sinful nature may not like what we discover, and a trust that God will change our heart so that what once bothered us we now offer in reverent, awe-inspiring worship. As you read, please pay close attention to the Scriptures quoted. God’s Word is authoritative, and we must submit to what it says. If you do, I believe Scripture will convince you that this common view of foreknowledge cannot be right because it ignores and contradicts other clear teachings in Scripture. Again, our goal in studying Scripture is not to find interpretations that ease our minds, but to submit to what God reveals, and to trust that it is true, wonderful, joyous, and enhancing of our worship.

As we look at Scripture let’s consider the following reasons why this common view of foreknowledge is wrong:

It assumes something Scripture clearly denies

There are no biblical examples that support this view

It is inconsistent with a biblical view of God as Creator

It does not lead to the praise of God’s glorious grace

1. That God would see any choosing Him: one wrong assumption with this common view of foreknowledge is that God will actually see people seeking and loving and choosing Him prior to any action on His part. It assumes man to have an ability that Scripture clearly denies. Even if God were to only look into the future (instead of speaking it into existence), He would still see no person choosing Him; and if the doctrine of predestination were based on this, then God would likewise not choose any, and all would be lost. This is the description of mankind in God’s Word.

“None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one … there is no fear of God before their eyes.” – Rom 3:10-12,18

2. That the dead possess life-giving faith: Ephesians 2:1-5 makes it clear that there is no faith, or act of believing to see in those who are spiritually dead. We were all dead, and that death is not physical, but spiritual. Notice in this passage that the wrath of God is associated with our nature, and that this nature (being spiritually dead) walks in sin, not faith, and follows Satan, not God. Among other things, this nature is described as disobedient and following after the passions of our flesh. The difference-maker here is not a description of God looking into the future and seeing who we really are (thank God!); instead, it is His love that grants us what we do not deserve, and His mercy that does not give us that wrath previously associated with our very nature. Again, this common view has a wrong assumption of unregenerate man.

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved.” – Eph 2:1-5

3. That slaves are free to choose their master: even if we were born spiritually alive and able to seek God (which the previous passages deny); Romans 6:17-18 describes us as slaves of sin. Don’t ignore, or be inconsistent with, the illustration given here in Scripture. We know that slaves have no choice to follow the master of their own choosing. They are not in control, but instead, their master controls their destiny. The change of heart described in this passage is not seen as something accomplished by the slave, but is a result of being set free by a new master. The master doesn’t follow the desire of the slave; the slave responds to the master setting him free. The result of God setting us free is our change of heart, which now desires righteousness, and is only now capable of desiring Him. The common view of foreknowledge is wrong because it assumes we are free to do what Scripture denies.

“But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness.” – Rom 6:17-18

4. That those in the flesh can choose to love and submit to God: in Romans 8:7-9, there are only two categories of people: those in the flesh, and those in the Spirit. According to the common view of foreknowledge, if God looked into the future He would be looking at those who do not possess His Spirit, and thus categorized as “in the flesh,” which Scripture describes as those who are unsubmissive and hostile to God. These cannot please God, and yet those who hold this view say that God would see them choosing Him. How is it that God sees fleshly people acting with love and submissiveness? And if Scripture declares that those in the flesh cannot please God, why would we imagine a scenario where they do something so obviously pleasing to Him? Are they in the flesh, or in the Spirit? If God is only looking, and not indwelling, then they are in the flesh. If God indwells them by His Spirit, then they are the predestined who have been acted upon by God, and not passively observed, which then leads to the giving of His Spirit. This wrong view of foreknowledge changes the order of events, contradicts Scripture, and ignores that those in the flesh cannot please God.

“For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you.” – Rom 8:7-9

5. That our (foreknown) faith leads to being born of God: 1 John 5:1 says, “Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God.” Notice that the result of being born of God is our belief in Jesus. Belief is the fruit, not the cause. We are not chosen by God, and born of His Spirit because we believe that Jesus is the Christ; instead, it says, “Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God.”

6. That coming to the light is a choice independent from God: “And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.” – John 3:19-21

Those who come to the light (Jesus), do so that it may be clearly seen that this has been carried out in (or wrought; coming from) God. The condition of man, prior to God’s work, is darkness. Those in the dark, hate the light, and do not come to the light; but those who do come to the light (having faith in Jesus), come as a result of God’s work. God does not predestine as a result of seeing man choose Him (this is unbiblical). The free choice of man (prior to God’s work in him) is a love of darkness rather than light. The reason this is the pre-existing condition of man, is “so that it may be clearly seen (God getting the glory) that his works (coming to Jesus and doing what is true) have been wrought in, or carried out in, (born from) God.”

7. That spiritual birth, unlike physical birth, is initiated by the baby: In John 3:3-8, Jesus very clearly speaks of an order. God gives life, and then we are capable of sight. How much clearer an illustration could Jesus give? In speaking of spiritual birth (the beginning of spiritual life), He describes what we know to be obvious in the physical. A baby cannot see the world around him unless he is first born, or given life. Likewise, none of us have the ability to see the spiritual reality of God’s kingdom in Jesus, unless we are born spiritually – not just the first, physical birth, but another, spiritual birth. Flesh only sees flesh, but those born of the spirit are now capable of seeing and embracing Jesus, and this is God’s choice – “the wind (His Spirit) blows where it wishes.”

Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” Nicodemus said to him, “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb and be born?” Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.”

8. That those only seen by God have the ability to come to Him: Do you ever remember being in the 2nd grade and asking your teacher if you can go to the bathroom? Correcting your grammar, she responds; “Well, I’m sure you can.” Then, realizing your mistake, you ask, “Teacher, may I go to the bathroom?”

Jesus knew the difference between “can” (speaking of ability), and “may,” (which has to do with permission). So, when Jesus says (in John 6:44), “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him.” He really did mean that no person is spiritually capable of coming to faith in Christ, unless the Father first does something. What must first happen? The Father must draw us to himself. Now, before you define this “drawing” as something He does to all people, we ought to pay attention to verses 37-39 that describe what happens to those whom the Father draws.

“All that the Father gives me (says, Jesus) will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day.”

The Father gives a certain group to Jesus (those whom He draws), and this verse says that ALL of these given by the Father will come to Jesus, and ALL of these will be raised on the last day. So, if we try and apply this “drawing” to all people, what we end up with is a belief that all will be saved – or, universalism. We are once again faced with Scripture that speaks of man’s inability. So, if God were only to respond to man’s independent choice, what would He see? He would not see any coming to Jesus, because no one can come unless the Father first draws him … and all that the Father gives to the Son will be saved.

Jesus then explains people’s unbelief in verses 64-65:

“But there are some of you who do not believe.” (For Jesus knew from the beginning who those were who did not believe, and who it was who would betray him.) And he said, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father.”

Those who believe, believe because the Father gave them to the Son; and the explanation given for the unbeliever is the Father not granting them faith in Christ. God initiates (by granting) belief; He does not respond to belief seen in the future.

We ought to reject the common view of foreknowledge because of the overwhelming biblical evidence against it; but another reason to reject it is the lack of any passage that directly teaches this view. Wouldn’t you think that at least one of the times the word foreknowledge is used in the Bible that it would actually teach God looking into the future and seeing our independent choice – this uncaused cause, or “big bang” of faith?

The various forms of “foreknowledge” occur only five times in Scripture, and not once do they ever teach what so many people presume it to be. Wouldn’t you think that when Paul talks about God choosing us “before the foundation of the world” that this would be the perfect place to describe how or why? Well, he does; but he doesn’t teach this view of foreknowledge. Let’s take a look at Ephesians 1:3-10, and see what reason he does give.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time ,to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.”

First, we see that God chose us in him (Christ) before the foundation of the world. Some may presume that our being “in Christ” is a matter of our choice that is foreknown by God; and He then chooses us based on this knowledge. But this is not actually taught here … or anywhere else. If we want to know how we got to be “in Christ,” a good passage to look at is John 6:37-39 (see above). What we discover there is that the Father initiates it all, not us. It is the Father who gives us to Christ, which produces our coming to Him in faith. We are in Christ, not by our independent decision, but by the Father’s initial act of choosing those whom He would give to His Son.

Second, we see that instead of God responding to something in us, His predestining choice is based on love. This does not fit with the common view of foreknowledge, but with a more biblical definition of foreknowledge that has to do with God’s sovereign choice of a people whom He desires to be in an intimate, loving relationship. There are different kinds of knowing – one kind is relational and intimately loving, and another kind is only factual – such as the observation of people’s actions. The relational kind of knowing fits with the love described here – a love that is behind God’s decision to predestine us unto adoption. Curiously, when you understand this loving kind of foreknowledge it fits both here, in Ephesians 1, and also in Romans 8:29, where we began.

If the common view of foreknowledge were true, Paul has a perfect opportunity to teach it in Ephesians 1. When he says God’s predestining choice is, “according to …” now would be the moment to teach how God looks into the future and sees our faith … but, he doesn’t. Is he silent? No, he gives a reason; it’s just not an answer that agrees with this particular view of foreknowledge. Instead of it being based on man’s choice, Paul says that God’s choice is according to God’s will – so that He may be praised; and according to His purpose and plan. Why doesn’t Paul teach the common view of foreknowledge here? The simple answer is, because it’s not true; and we can confidently say this because Paul’s explanation is not just some other, compatible reason, but a completely contrary reason to this view of foreknowledge. His answer gives God alone the glory. There is no shared credit because God does not share His glory with another (Isa 48:11).

We must be consistent with all of Scripture, and as we’ve seen, the Bible denies unregenerate man’s ability to choose God apart from God’s sovereign intervention. So what do we see him freely choosing? He does have a will, and that will freely chooses what it desires; but, according to Scripture, it chooses to stay in the dark and do as he pleases … and what pleases him is sin. Yes, man does have the freedom to choose, but he will always choose his strongest inclination, and before God changes him, his strongest inclination is always sin.

What’s also interesting about the lack of biblical support is that every use of the word “foreknowledge” relates to people, and not to facts. Every instance has to do with knowing a person in advance, not their actions. There are different ways the Bible uses the word “know.” One way has to do with facts and information, and another way has to do with relationship and intimacy. Every occasion in Scripture where the word, “foreknowledge” (or a variation of it) is used is a relational reference to people, and it is never used in reference to gathering information, or facts. So, positively speaking, a biblical view of foreknowledge has to do with relationship. Since all occurrences have to do with people, a right understanding of foreknowledge sees God deciding to be in a loving relationship before that person even existed. This is not just God being aware of someone, but a biblical type of knowing – a deep intimacy. So, foreknowledge has to do with God’s choice, prior to creation, to be in an intimate, loving relationship with a particular people.

We understand the word “know” in a relational sense. For example, if I were to introduce myself to a stranger, that person could then say that they now know me. They know me by name and they know whatever facts I choose to share with them. That person has limited knowledge of me based on some facts, but they do not know me like my wife knows me. And, even if my wife were to share every fact that she knew about me with that person, they still would not know me like she knows me. We understand this in our human relationships. There is a difference between factual knowledge and relational knowledge. This same truth is also seen in Scripture.

Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you.” Why state the obvious? Of course God knows everyone. But this is not about facts, it’s about relationship; and God has chosen Jeremiah to be set apart as a prophet, to be in relationship with Himself.

Amos 3:2a – “You only have I known of all the families of the earth”

Did God really only know about Israel, and not others? Doesn’t He know everything? Yes, God knows everything and everyone, but He chooses whom He will know in this loving, relational way. We see this in the Old Testament, and don’t struggle with God choosing a people (the Jews), and not choosing to be in relationship with other people. Was His relationship with Israel based on seeing their choice of Him, or did He call Abram out from his pagan family and promise to be in covenant relationship with him? God decided to be in relationship with Abram before the foundation of the world, and (if you are in Christ) He also foreknew you.

We see this type of knowing in the New Testament as well. Matthew 7:23 says, “And then will I (Jesus) declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.” Jesus only knows those whom the Father gives to him. Yes, He knows about everyone, but He is only in a loving relationship with those whom God foreknew. As He says in John 10:14, “I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father.”

Paul understood in Galatians 4:9 that the reason we are in relationship with God is because we are known, or foreknown, or loved by God. We love God because He first loved us; and we know God because we have been known (loved) by God.

“But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world …?”

This is a biblical understanding of foreknowledge (a better view), but another reason you should reject the common view is its inconsistency with a biblical view of God as Creator. In the common view God is seen as outside of time, observing time, gathering information, and then reacting to what He sees in time.

Is time: eternal, self-existent, autonomous, and something simply observed by God; or is it something that flows from the only Creator as a part of His creation? Do we believe Genesis 1:1 when it says, “In the beginning, God?” Do we believe that God alone is eternal, self-existent and autonomous, or did God share eternity with some “thing” called time, which He could observe and respond to?

This type of talk may seem kind of strange, but if we are to preserve the doctrine of creation, and God as Creator, then we must begin with God alone (eternal, perfect, and self-sufficient) and view every single thing that we can call a “thing” as flowing from God’s mouth. When He says, “Let there be _______,” then that “thing” spoken will exist. If God alone is eternal Creator, then everything else must be on that line, and not along-side God, and certainly not influencing Him in His creative decisions. God alone is perfect, and if any of His decisions need some extra outside information, then He is not self-sufficient, but dependent and no God at all.

To view time as something along-side God (which He learns from and reacts to) is to attack God as God – the one who alone is the ultimate cause and source of everything. Do we deny the unchanging character of God by making Him into a being that sees and gathers information and reacts to it? God is not like man. He knows everything perfectly because He creates all. God cannot be both omniscient (all-knowing) and learning by observation. We do not solve a mystery with this view of foreknowledge, we create a contradiction (at best), and (at worst) we deny the very nature of God.

Those who believe in the Genesis 1 creation account need to be consistent when it comes to the doctrine of salvation. Paul was. In 2 Corinthians 4, he wrote:

“… the god of this world (Satan) has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God … For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.”

God does not see and observe and then choose; God speaks! … and it is so. Salvation is a result of God speaking light into our dark hearts. He is the creator of all things … even our faith.

Lastly, there is a problem with this view because it does not lead to the praise of God’s glorious grace. 1 Corinthians 1:26-31 reads:

“For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; …”

Let me interrupt here. How could Paul possibly say this if God’s choice were a result of seeing our decision for Jesus? Is there any decision in all of history wiser than having faith in Jesus? What other decision affects your eternal destiny? If the initial cause of my salvation could be traced back to my own, independent decision that God simply observed and reacted to, then I have made the wisest decision of all, and Paul doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Okay, let’s continue …

“God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, ‘Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.’”

Clearly, if the common view of foreknowledge is correct, then I am incredibly wise, and I certainly have some room for boasting. We know we shouldn’t boast, but in this view I am still able to do so. However much I credit myself, I diminish that from God’s worship; and instead of being amazed at God’s unmerited favor toward me, I would know that I deserved it more than those whose poor decisions were also seen in the corridors of time.

It sounds terrible (and it is), but if this common view is true then how could these things not also be so? God’s favor in choosing me is now dependent on my superior wisdom. There is something that caused me to stand out from the rest, and so grace is no longer unmerited and I rightly deserve some of the praise and admiration.

If you are blown away by the grace of God and cringe at the thought of saying you are deserving of mercy, and worthy of praise, then you ought to wholeheartedly deny the common view of foreknowledge. Why did God choose us? Ephesians 1 says it was according to the purpose of His will (He is Creator), and to the praise of His glorious grace. There is a better view of foreknowledge; a view that gives God all the glory, and causes us to marvel and worship at the thought of a love so great that it was determined in the mind of God for all eternity. Praise God for His glorious grace!

Six months ago, my brother Gil was big, strong, independent, and capable. He was a custom home builder with an excellent reputation for satisfying demanding homeowners in the beautiful valley west of our city.  Today he lies in bed, slowly being wasted by glioblastoma, a fatal brain cancer. Little by little, his once-formidable strength is being robbed by seizures.  His speech, and the sense of humor that used to crack me up so often, is nearly gone.  His devoted and doting wife and daughter take excellent, loving care of their charge, once provider and protector, on the eve of what will be just his 62^nd birthday.

I am not concerned about my brother’s fate for eternity: I am confident that he knows and loves Jesus, so he understands why he’s here and knows where he’s going.  I believe that’s what my sister-in-law meant when, after a neurosurgeon gave her my brother’s dire prognosis after his surgery just four months ago, she responded through tears simply by saying, “Doctor, we’re Christians.”

Following a particularly severe seizure, I spent the night in his bedroom, hoping his wife would get an uninterrupted night’s sleep in another room where she wouldn’t be stirred by his every movement and breath.  She didn’t sleep much: she wanted to be with her husband, her life for the last 41 years.   About 3 am I relinquished my post and went home, yielding the room to my brother’s rightful and most loving caregiver.

Later that morning, Nancy called my attention to a passage from a Puritan pastor that helped put my brother’s travail in perfect, if hard, perspective:

“In affliction, God makes himself known to his people. In the Word we hear of God, but in affliction we see him. Prosperity is the nurse of atheism. When we are prosperous the sense of God is little by little defaced. In affliction the soul is freed from the attractive power of worldly allurements and our thoughts are more serious, clear and capable of divine illumination…. God’s people become aware of his attributes in their sufferings: his holiness, justice, faithfulness, mercy and all-sufficiency.  In adversity we are early with God in prayer. In prosperity we pray and hardly take notice of the answers. But in affliction we can press God for the return of our prayers. Affliction is a furnace to try the faith of God’s people and to see God’s faithfulness in his promises.”  Thomas Case, Select Works, A Treatise of Afflictions

Providentially, this had been precisely the conclusion we’d reached in a small discussion group of men I’d participated in at a Joni and Friends Family Retreat the week prior.  “In the Word we hear of God, but in affliction we see Him.”  Surrounded by men whose lives have been profoundly affected by physical and mental disability, we agreed that we’d all learned much from adversity, and little from success. 

Dozens of these Joni and Friends Family Retreats are hosted around the USA and the world by the ministry founded by Joni Eareckson Tada.  While a teen girl in 1967, Joni dove into shallow water, hurt herself, and became a quadriplegic.  Among the many ministries to arise as a result are these Family Retreats. Their purpose is to welcome worn-out families affected by disability and show them a great, fun, relaxing, encouraging week-long family camp experience.  Most every member of the family, adult or child, disabled or not, is treated to the undivided attention of a Short-Term Missionary (STM). These STMs are volunteers who give a week of their time and cover their own costs so as to treat these precious families to a week in a special place where they are the “normal” ones, a place where they are not stared at, where their needs are catered to with love by doting STMs, and where they are surrounded by people who relate to their unique challenges, or who are trying to understand.

Count me in that latter group.  I was reluctantly dragged to my first Joni and Friends Family Retreat by our 17 year-old daughter, who was just 12 when she started working at these camps with her mother. Our daughter is unfazed by disability, would attend every JAF Family Retreat in the world if she could figure out the finances, and typically bonds with the camper to whom she is assigned in about 11.4 seconds.  I thought this was a great mother-daughter thing, but certainly not mine: I’d had a bad experience volunteering with a fellow student with cerebral palsy in high school and now preferred to keep disability at arm’s length. But three years ago my wife’s own battle with chronic pain threatened to keep her at home and prevent our daughter from attending, so I dutifully but reluctantly signed up with Anne just so she wouldn’t miss something she so dearly loved. That week was nerve-wracking, waaaaay out of my comfort zone, and exhausting. 

And it changed tons of what I thought about ministry, disability, and the church’s role in it.

So far I’ve served as an STM twice, and each week has been physically and emotionally exhausting, and just a gigantic blessing. The experience is hugely humbling because to spend a week rubbing shoulders with saints who lead such challenging lives immediately sharpens the focus on my own life, one which I am tempted to imagine to be so demanding. Ha!

This last camp, the one from which Nancy, Anne and I have just returned, I was privileged to serve as Camp Pastor. Though I have enjoyed hanging with my campers as an STM, the role of Camp Pastor suited me because instead of focusing on just one camper I was blessed to circulate among the many campers, sitting with them, hearing their stories, praying with them, learning from them.   Among them: a man who has lost both his legs and his vision to diabetes and who is quick with an “Ole” joke; a young woman with a bright smile and equally bright spirit whose mother was told to pray for her quick death at her birth since she would be “just a vegetable;” a happy young husband who lost the use of his legs because of a drunk driver; numerous single Moms (marriages often don’t  survive – and fathers sometimes struggle with accepting – disability) with children who have Down’s Syndrome or autism or spina bifida or any number of less well-known and difficult to pronounce maladies; and tenacious fathers who have hung in there with their wives and children through heart-breaking and dream-shattering diagnoses, sometimes their own when the disability is Dad’s.

All of this is overseen by a delightful crew of gifted leaders, mostly women who have giant hearts and apparently-boundless energy.  They plan and pray for months in advance and it shows, from the well-executed programs to the God-designed pairing of STMs to campers.  But when dealing with disability, you have to be ready to flex or improvise quickly and these leaders do, ready to yield their plans to what works best for the campers since their focus is people, not programs. From the assignment of rooms to the often hilarious and frequently very moving Talent Show on the camp’s last night, everyone is very flexible and patient and forbearing, as Christians ought always to be. Camp is a taste of heaven.

So at this camp I was asked to be Camp Pastor and it was a great joy to teach in the adult program.  That was scary: what have I to offer these suffering saints?  How can I speak to their often-desperate situations?  Sure, my sweet wife has struggled for a decade with chronic head, neck and shoulder nerve pain, but that isn’t exactly like the many challenges faced by the crowd at camp. I don’t bear her physical pain personally.  With every situation so different, and some particularly vexing, why would a person like myself imagine that I have anything hopeful to share with someone whose life is boiled down to getting through the next day without a life-threatening infection, a violent public outburst, or another notice that some vital service has been cancelled because of shrinking public budgets?

So I simply preached the gospel, the message that is more important than any other, among any crowd.  I preached Romans 1, Romans 3, Romans 5 and Romans 8, underscoring the importance for all of life, and especially life’s challenges, of the doctrine of justification.  We confronted the question of suffering squarely because God’s word is authoritative and plainly states that suffering, whether the result of direct or indirect sin, is planned by God to build endurance, character and hope (which, you’ll remember, is not – in the Bible – wishful thinking but a real expectation based on truth).  Resisting the temptation to resort to maudlin tales from the internet, I begged my audience’s patience as I tried to faithfully render the inerrant word of God.

By the end of the week, I was particularly blessed by the gratitude of one Mom, whose son I had the very high honor of baptizing there at the camp. Wisely, the Joni and Friends organization officially stays away from baptisms and communion services, leaving church functions to the church. However, this precious young man had long wanted to be baptized but his church baptizes in an icy lake so with his special sensory issues this had proven to be a huge obstacle.  His parents thought, “What better a place than Joni and Friends for our son to enjoy the public proclamation of what Jesus has done in his heart, surrounded by friends who understand and love him in a special way?” So, on our own, we simply used a corner of the camp’s pool and delighted in a simple service of baptism, where we barely got the camper’s head down to the water’s surface but thankfully the Lord isn’t concerned by the volume of water involved, right?  Besides his parents’ faith, what was important is that this camper understood baptism’s significance: “You go down in the water, die, pop up new man.”  I found that explanation, along with his testimony that Jesus had made his heart “soft” not only to be adequate but quite elegant.   It was a high honor as a minister of the gospel to participate in this baptism, which I will never forget.

Anyway, it was this camper’s Mom who thanked me, as we all said our farewells at the camp’s end, for preaching the gospel squarely, even when it meant addressing the question of sin and suffering without sentimental compromise.  Tears running down her eyes, she said through gritted teeth, “We need the truth!”   I took that to mean, among other things, that when she and other loving parents or spouses of persons with disabilities quote an oft-mentioned verse like Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him…” they do so not to salve their hurt when they are merely denied a home loan or when a son or daughter is accepted at State but not at Stanford, but because such verses are the oxygen they breathe in the face of the most dramatic, exhausting, long-term challenges a spouse or parent can possibly face (for example, when I asked her husband about his concern for their son after they grow old and die, he responded, “I’m terrified”). 

Later, these parents wrote,

Your teaching was right on target.  Thank you for the courage to address suffering as you did.  Everyone knows of some form of suffering in their lives and certainly the families at Family Retreat are well acquainted.  Tough situations need the reinforcing strength and reliability of God’s word.  And sometimes, that can seem a compassion-less message, when it isn’t at all.   For some of us, the moment to moment struggle of daily life results in a very "micro" view of life as one tries to get from one effort to the next.  However, with your teaching, it reminds us of God’s hand and Spirit at work with and in us, and our view becomes more "macro" as we are reminded we are not alone nor is our life fruitless.   As we move from suffering to perseverance to character we gain the hope we so desperately need.  Thank you for reminding us of the strength and hope we have in our Lord and His word.

I shared this and a few other encouraging comments and emails with my congregation, with whom I am once again laboring, joyously, through the epistle of Romans. I wanted my dear church family, mostly unaffected by visible disabilities, to see that – for many of those affected by disability- the message of Romans, the gospel, works to help them get through daily life with a promising vision for the life to come.  When you rest in the truth of the doctrine of justification – the process by which God, both just and the justifier, declares holy those who are definitely not holy- you have hope in a way afforded by no other therapy or relief.

Whether in the suffering of my own dear brother, or the challenging daily lives of the precious saints by whom I was surrounded at Joni and Friends, the truth of God’s word trumps every doubt, his promises prove sufficient in every trial, and his grace greater than all our challenges. “In the Word we hear of God, but in affliction we see Him.” 

Help send a family with a member with disabilities to Joni and Friends Family Retreat.  Or, consider serving at a Family Retreat.  I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t benefit from serving at a Joni and Friends Family Retreat.  It’s a great opportunity to serve for teens, or for seniors, or anybody in between.  Retreats are hosted all over the country, they’re affordable (STMs pay for their own room and board), and they’re an ideal parent-teen service opportunity.  For much more information visit http://www.joniandfriends.org/family-retreats/ or write me at pastordale@aol.com and I’ll send you to the right people.  Joni and Friends has a bunch of wonderful TV episodes available free online.  Some of them describe Family Retreats, such as: http://www.joniandfriends.org/television/when-robin-prays/.

Pastor Dale

Dear Friends: news this morning from Kabul shook those of us with loved ones in that city:

“A suicide car bomber struck a Western convoy on a busy road in the Afghan capital Tuesday, setting off a powerful blast that killed at least 18 people, including five American service members and a foreign soldier whose nationality was not immediately disclosed. The explosion, which occurred at 8 a.m. when many people were on their way to work, carved a deep crater in the road near a ruined imperial palace on the city’s western edge, overturning cars and scattering shrapnel over a wide area. The blast reverberated across much of Kabul. The vehicles in the convoy were armored SUVs, which are often used to transport military officers and diplomats around the city. One was flipped by the force of the explosion and the one behind it was reduced to a scorched, shattered hulk. U.S. troops quickly secured the site, evacuated the wounded and inspected the wreckage.” (Los Angeles Times, 5/18/10)

Our nephew (my sister Anne’s son, and niece Lori and nephew Ryan’s brother) is an Army major currently serving in that Afghan capital city. We enjoy frequent updates from this bright young husband and father of two, a West Point and Yale grad. In view of the headlines, and in anticipation of our national remembrance on Memorial Day, May 31, I thought I would pass along his last insightful email, with his permission. It describes some of the challenges faced there by the American military, and something about how our troops are meeting those challenges. Enjoy, and pass along to anyone you feel might be interested.

May, 2010

Dear Family,

I hope you all are doing well….

On Friday, I went to another camp outside Kabul in order to attend the Counterinsurgency Academy. It was incredibly interesting driving through Kabul. Incredible poverty with some mansions with large gates and walls awkwardly presiding on the Hill over a valley of dirt and poverty. This city was almost completely destroyed by a combination of the Soviets, the Civil War, and the Taliban. Mostly the Civil War. Almost every building looks decayed, neglected, and dirty. Many checkpoints and armed guards around every government building. These poor people have endured over 30 years of war.

In some ways, Kabul is not representative of the rest of the country. More favorable response here. More literacy. More visible benefits. Different ethnic makeup. Generally, more security.

Went and heard a woman who serves in the Parliament speak. Both of her children were killed by warlords or Taliban sympathizers. Now, the people who killed her children serve with her in the Parliament. She has to look at them every time she goes to work.

Just before we arrived at a destination, I saw a group of Afghan children playing in the dusty streets. Standing at a distance was an Afghan girl between 9-12 years old. She was missing a leg and was balancing herself awkwardly on crutches, watching the other children play. I wondered if she lost her leg from a landmine. The country is littered with them. We always stay on the hardball road if possible.

The Counterinsurgency training started on Friday and ends tomorrow. The training has consisted of videos, classes, skits, and practical exercises. The training has generally been very interesting and worthwhile. The Army is really going through a major cultural change. I am impressed with the degree to which the Army has institutionalized the cultural changes necessary to win this war. In 8 or 9 years, the Army has largely (not completely) changed its culture from one that only focused on closing with and killing the enemy to one that encourages privates to focus on making the lives of the populace better as a means to win the counterinsurgency. The senior officers (LTCs and COLs) seem to have the hardest time making the shift. They grew up in the conventionally focused Cold War and the idea of not immediately killing the guy planting the IED is hard for them to swallow. Kill one guy immediately as he digs the hole for the IED or follow him home and capture 20 people: the suppliers, the leaders, the bomb makers… Oh and a large percentage of the IED planters are doing it for money from the bad guys, not out of ideology. So if you kill the IED planter, you have not turned the entire tribe or family of the guy against you. Easier said than done when an IED killed your friends a few days or weeks earlier. Hopefully, the Army has added the population centric capabilities to its toolkit instead of replacing its enemy centric capabilities. I think we will need both in the future, but it is difficult to maintain both.

Regardless, I am daily reminded of the INCREDIBLE young people doing the fighting. So many of these Soldiers and Marines (not me) are enduring incredible personal discomfort, physical danger, and emotional stress. One minute they worry about being blown up, the next minute they are returning fire, and the next minute they are meeting with an elder who may or may not be a good guy. They drive slowly through town now–not making the locals angry but also making themselves more vulnerable. I wish more Americans could see their courage, toughness, and intelligence. The dumb grunt or blood thirsty marine stereotype has little basis in reality. These Soldiers and Marines are a national treasure that keep the other 99.5% of us safe through courage, restraint, intelligence, and competence.

You can never do ONE thing here. One Army unit tried to help improve a town by cleaning up the trash running down the middle of the street. A short time later, the tribal elder angrily approached the officer in charge and said why did you take away the food for our goats? The goats provide milk for the family and milk to sell for money and you have starved them by taking the trash away.

Another unit gave villagers electrical generators. The came back a few weeks later and they were using the generators as coffee tables because they did not see a need or have a desire for electricity. (Should have given them TVs too).

Another unit built a school in a province between two feuding tribes so that neither tribe would be favored and both could send their children. The tribes refused to send their children to a school that included children from the other tribe. The school remained empty and unused. It was later destroyed by one of the tribes or by the Taliban.

Corruption is everywhere. It seems to be at the root of almost every problem.

26% literacy. Life expectancy in the 40s. 1 in 6 infant mortality.

In a rural area man X killed man Y. Y’s family insisted that X family pay money and provide man Y’s sister as payment in order to avoid a blood feud. The deal was done. Woman in rural areas are often treated as property and on par with animals.

Americans and our allies build schools and then the Taliban delivers night letters threatening the parents and teachers with death if they send their kids or show up to teach. Instead, the Taliban tells parents their kids can get a good education at a Madrassa in Pakistan. The parents, eager for education and safety for their kides, send their boys to Pakistan. The boys get radicalized and come back as fighters or suicide bombers. Once the boys arrive in Pakistan, the Taliban tells the parents to work in the poppy field or plant IEDs or they will never see their son again. http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/episode/inside-the-taliban-3274/Overview

We will never kill all the insurgents. In many cases, we have stopped chasing them. We are now planting ourselves in the city, focusing on protecting the population. Dangerous, but it is the only way to win the insurgency. I think we are approaching a tipping point, and this could fall either way. Watch the Peace Jirga in late May and the Kabul Conference in July.

Enormously challenging human terrain, but I think we have the right strategy… Although I think it will take at least 10 years to be successful, starting in 2008/9 when we changed our strategy not in 2001 when we first came. For the first six years of this war, American strategy was ineffective. As Churchill said, ’you can trust America to do the right thing, after they have tried everything else…’ (paraphrase)

I love you all. I pray you are doing well.

Love, Brad

-One Mom forwarded our email on to a family member, a probation officer (God bless them all – they need it!) who supervises sex offenders in one of the West’s largest cities.  He responded, "Please let Pastor Dale know that this is a very accurate and well written article.  I have seen too many times that Christians are far too trusting and have a hard time seeing the evil in this world.  I especially like the part about talking to your children about their private parts and what is off limits.  Confident and well informed children are rarely victimized.  One thing about child molesters is that they are cowards and prey on the vulnerable.  Thank you for sharing this."

-One caring Dad wrote, “Three years ago I got back in to Scouting. It is different now. No adult ever does anything one-on-one with a youth; never, nada, no way. .. When I think back to the 1960s and 1970s to my days as a youth, I remember kids and grown-ups whose behavior I now question. Probably the only reason I was left alone was, they had all seen or met my Dad, and he scared the h*** out of them. .. I mourn for the many boys in [my area] who had no protection, no coverage like I did. Some dads were absentee, some drunk, some just careless.”

-We heard from another person in law enforcement (God bless them!) who deals with this kind of thing on a too-regular basis. This person felt that they have come face to face with “true evil,” but is thankful that God will sort things out.  “I am very grateful that you continue to remind the congregation about this topic.”

-One concerned Dad wrote, “I was in the car with [my son] the other day and on the radio they had an ad about the statistics on the number of kids molested by the time they are 18, and we discussed why we have not let our children spend the night at many people’s houses and why we appear to be so strict and he said he was glad he was in the category of not having been touched.   Thank God!”

-A grateful Mom wrote to commend her church, and the lengths to which it goes to treat her child, who has a profound disability, with great care and with high regard for this child’s safety.  This is hugely important to parents of children with disabilities since they are abused at much higher rates than typical children.

-This came from a young Mom: “You said, "let grandma tickle"…  I know the evidence shows that it is mostly men who are convicted of sexual and physical child abuse. Yet, women are, as we know, sexual sinners also.  Our culture emphasizes their tendency towards adultery and prostitution. Yet, I think that women are more than capable of other perverse sexual sins. I know of some first hand cases where it has been mothers (and grandmothers) who are child molesters.  They touch inappropriately and kiss inappropriately. They "pet" while putting to bed.  IN general, yes, men have the bigger sexual sin issues (I think).  However, not all grandmothers, or aunts, or mothers are safe.  I think that sexual abuse by a mother or grandmother is even less likely to be reported.  Who would tell on dear ole mom, the one we should trust most?  And sweet grandmother, whose warm embraces are so dear… yet??  It does indeed happen. And I just wanted to put a word in here…in case you ever have to deal with this one on one. And..  parents should be aware of this too. Because, as we know, women are sinners… big ones… too.  I think with our culture being more and more degraded, and sexual roles being more and more confused, and morality in general tanking to the depths of hell, well, watch out for women too.

-Finally, another wise Mom wrote to remind us of this, an oft-recurring theme in my own experience with parishioners as a Pastor: “Thanks for the article. I think I may have mentioned this before, but another warning is never never never have a boy babysit your children. Many years ago a young man I was dating confessed to me that he had molested a baby he was watching. I don’t know if he had been into porn, I knew him quite well and never saw any evidence of it. He was also one of the nicest people I have ever known. But he was put in a tempting situation as a young teen and he fell. He wept and wept, it had happened almost ten years before, and he was consumed with guilt. I did not know the Lord at the time and so had nothing to offer him beyond my friendship. It’s my conviction that having a teen boy watch your child is dangerous to your children and to him. I keep running across people who do this, so I think it’s worth mentioning.”

Good counsel: with so many doting young girl babysitters out there, why would you tempt a young man in a situation where experience shows they have an exponentially higher probability of getting into trouble?

Thanks to all of you who wrote in.  Good counsel, all. 
pd

I am constantly being reminded of the pervasive nature of child sexual abuse in my encounters with its victims through my work as a Pastor. There are way too many victims out there. For this reason, I feel compelled to regularly sound a warning to parents and guardians to protect our children. Although unpleasant, because so much child sexual abuse occurs in churches and among church people it is all the more important that you take a moment to refresh yourself on the issue and make sure you are a soldier in the battle to combat such evil and prevent further casualties. The toll is high: I keep hearing from victims who were scarred as children and who carry their wounds into adulthood and their own sometimes-harrowing relationships. If you are someone who has never been affected by child sexual abuse, count yourself fortunate but don’t be naïve: it’s happening way too much and we can’t ignore it simply because it’s not out in the open. And with summer and its unique activities around the corner, this is a good time to review these warnings.

Let me say right here that I’m not bringing this up because of any problems for children at Bear Creek Church. Indeed, there is no whiff of concern here. Because I want to keep it that way, and because I want Bear Creek Church’s children to be safe, I raise this issue regularly.

Here are some things we need to remember, either off the top of my head or culled from the counsel of those who make it their mission to protect children or apprehend their violators (God bless these special people).

-Those who molest children are expert deceivers. They have to be: they have to win the trust of children, and the trust of people who should be protecting them. A burglar only has to be quiet; a murderer only has to be a good shot. But a molester has to be more cunning than any other criminal. They’re predators, after all. So they’re not people you’d expect to do such things: those people are easily recognized and avoided. Successful predators pride themselves on their ability to pull the wool over parents’ eyes. I’ve heard testimony that would make your skin crawl about how these guys get to their little victims. Watch out for the people you least expect to violate your children!

-These predators are almost always friends or relatives of the victims. Incidents involving strangers, of whom we must still be wary, are nonetheless rarer than incidents involving friends or relatives of the victims. Again, these are people who have to have the trust of the victim and his or her guardian. Trust very, very few people with your children.

-Predators only need a few minutes to violate a child. It can happen in public, it can happen at family gatherings, and it can happen in front of others without them knowing it. Indeed, predators know that if they can molest a child while other adults are nearby it sends the message to the child that what is happening must be okay and lowers the child’s resistance for future encounters.

-Parents need to start this discussion with their children, in age-appropriate language. Children need to know what’s off-limits, what their body parts are called, and to feel comfortable talking about this. Experts agree, and most Moms realize, that many children will not bring up suspicious behavior on their own unless they’re already used to talking it over calmly with Mom and Dad, especially if the violator is a family friend or relative.

-Molestation often starts with play or teasing that looks innocent enough. For example, I’ve heard of enough examples of “tickle games” turning into outright child sexual abuse that I’m ready to say they should be banned outright and should flat never happen between a child and an older person, especially any man. If your child loves to be tickled, let that be a Mom/child game only. Or Grandma: Grandma can tickle.

-I mentioned churches and church people, above, since it’s true that we Christians tend to be more trusting of others. That’s why some predators prey on Christian families and churches. That’s also why we have strict rules about the interface of children and adults at Bear Creek Church. If you see a violation of those rules, or if you see anything that makes you uncomfortable, immediately speak to our Director of Children’s Ministry, Kim Clark, or to Pastor Jim, Pastor Brian, Elder Steve Murphy, or myself. My number is 541-821-1643, and I’m available 25 hours a day.

If you are a parent, be very, very careful about who you trust your child to. Especially be wary of any male who seems eager to spend time with your child. It is best for your child never to be alone with any one other male, ever, even for a few minutes (a few minutes’ ride from the ballpark, for example). Make sure your child knows what is wrong behavior and what is right behavior, and will be free to share with you if something odd happens. There are some parts of his or her body that must never, ever be touched, and your child should be clear on this. Think twice and three times about letting your child spend the night anywhere but safe in his or her own bed, and greatly restrict your child’s access to the internet and all media, either at home or anywhere else. If your child shares what may be a report of sexual abuse, absolutely do not contact the person suspected of abuse: instead, call the police and let these caring experts do their job. Don’t overreact in the child’s presence, since you don’t want to scare them into clamming up, but it would be hard to respond too aggressively to such worrisome reports.

If you are a perpetrator of child sexual abuse, stop reading this and call the police now. There is help out there for you, and forgiveness from God through the blood of Jesus, but justice requires that you first submit to the authorities. Call me if you’d like, because I can help you, or get you help, but rest assured I’m going to call the police as soon as we hang up. I’m a sinner like you, but I am compelled by scripture and law to do this, and it is the only loving and just thing to do.

If you are a victim of child sexual abuse, you may not even realize it because it began early and continued right through your childhood. You grew up with it so it doesn’t seem that “bad.” Even so, you may unwittingly be struggling with self-concept, relationship and depression issues. Further, if you stuff it, your perpetrator will be out there continuing to victimize children. Almost all perps have multiple victims. Help them by confronting the issue, legally if necessary. If you want help, there are a number of excellent resources to help you recognize the gravity of what happened, whether you were severely violated or only touched or rubbed or whatever, and find healing. (I’m sorry to have to be graphic, but victims need to realize that Uncle or Neighbor should not have been touching them through their clothes, or rubbing them, or kissing them, or etc. That is not play, or simply weird, or “not serious”: it is child sexual abuse, plain and simple and clearly.) If you’d like specific direction or referrals in this area, I invite female victims to contact my kind and understanding and confidential wife Nancy (NDM44@aol.com), who can point you in the right direction. Male victims are welcome to contact any of us Pastors.

Anyone interested in this subject, from any angle, can find tons of resources in a few minutes on the web. Look for Christian help: only Christians understand the deeply spiritual aspect of child sexual abuse, which is it’s most important aspect. Focus On The Family (www.family.org) is one place to start: they recommend some good books from trusted Christian publishers. Some of these were written by victims, others were written for people who help victims, others were for men struggling with lust, etc.

Does all this make you parents a little paranoid? Good. In this day and age, paranoia is a very good and Godly response among parents who love and shelter their children and who hope to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, instead of wrestling with the terrible, long-lasting results of sexual molestation.

-Pastor Dale Meador