How should persons with disabilities be treated at Bear Creek Church? The elderly? African-Americans?
On a recent Sunday, I shared with our congregation some of my concerns about our treatment of guests. This was a result of a couple of incidents I had witnessed which I recalled to the congregation and which I recount in the video that you can watch here: (or paste this URL into your browser – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wqis2gINvQ)
Sharing that was a stretch for me, and risky. Beside the possibility of offending my congregation, there was a real chance of appearing to be condescending to the elderly, persons with disabilities, or people of color. Over coffee yesterday, I mentioned this to a friend, a pastor of Hispanic and Native American descent. Yes, he suggested, a person of color might be offended when befriended by someone who had been charged to do so. But, I asked him, does that mean I should never bring these things up? Just ignore them? He shrugged.
This stuff is challenging, though very important. Let’s think about it some more.
But first, I want to say again that I don’t mean to scold anyone here. You people of Bear Creek Church normally do a very good job of welcoming others. I am always hearing from guests, "This is such a friendly church!" Indeed, in the example of the little boy with disabilities that I mention in the video above, I learned later that the little boy, though ignored along with his family over lunch, had earlier in the day been treated to special attention in Sunday School from a middle-aged male Buddy thanks to our Disability Ministry Team. Yay for those with a heart for disability, and yay for our Disability Ministry Team.
Still, there is what happened later, when for a long time hundreds of others overlooked this family – which included not only that little boy with a disability but an African-American man – at a lunch designed for the very purpose of giving us an opportunity to welcome others.
Now, it would be possible to listen to me and think, "Why pick out people with disabilities? Why mention minorities? Why not just encourage everyone to love each other like family?" Not, "Be sure to eat with that lonely family that includes the child with a disability and the African-American man" but, "Be sure to be on the lookout for ANY lonely people."
I understand why people are uncomfortable picking out a particular group. There is a politically-correct instinct built into all of us nowadays that flinches whenever a particular race or group is picked out for special attention. Also, as Christians, we want to believe that it’s enough to merely say, "Love everyone like family" and think that’s enough and that everyone will be covered.
But it simply doesn’t work that way, as shown in the episodes I mentioned. And, in spite of our discomfort, I believe it’s not only right but imperative to call attention to our duty to love particular, normally-overlooked groups. Here are a few reasons why:
1. The whole New Testament picks out a particular people, by race. A major theme of the New Testament is this: "Hey, you Christian Jews! Accept believing non-Jews as fellow Christians!"
2. When Paul is helping us overcome racial prejudices by recognizing our unity in salvation, he picks out people by race when he says, "In Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek.." (Gal. 3:28).
3. Jesus picks out people with disabilities ("the poor, crippled, blind and lame") when, in telling the parable of the Great Banquet (Luke 14:15-24), he calls our attention to people who were typically ignored, just as they are today.
4. Jesus makes a special illustration of a generous but very poor widow (Mark 12:41ff); Peter picks out the elderly (I Peter 5:5) for special consideration; special attention paid to widows and orphans is said by James to be the measure of true faith (James 1:27).
So, though it might be uncomfortable to call attention to certain groups within the larger church family, this practice is not only necessary but mandated by scripture.
The response to my heartfelt sharing, however awkward, has been encouraging. I sense that most of you know me well enough to know that my concern comes from a zeal for love among the people of God, and not out of some sinful desire to patronize any minority. Here are some of your responses. Be sure to read the last one. We can learn a lot from it.
"We the sheepul (I count myself among them) need regular reminders. We are a forgetful (and lazy, and excuse-making) people. If you reminded us, say once a quarter, which would also educate new people, I bet there would be fewer incidents (or none) such as you mentioned."
[From a grandmother of newly adopted African orphans] "Good word, Pastor Dale!! I needed to be reminded of this very important part of how Christ’s love is shared. Brothers and sisters in all congregations need to listen to this sermonette. Thank you for taking time to share with us all. Just as an aside – I think you did a great job of knee driving – I do it myself sometimes. LOL."
[From a police officer in the congregation] "Pastor Dale, I loved your YouTube video! Thank you for reminding me of this. I always seem to have such a difficult time sitting near others. I did take notice in the video that many times both hands were off your steering wheel…. was that unsafe driving tactics I witnessed?? 
Have a glorious evening…"
Have a glorious evening…"[From the mother of child of color with a disability] "Bless you Pastor Dale for your heart for those in the minority."
And the last response. It comes from Donna, a mother of three grown biological children and two elementary-aged children adopted from Africa as little ones.
"Pastor- I wanted to take a moment to thank you for your sermon on Sunday. I know that I too have been guilty of some of the behaviors you spoke of, and will continue to work on it in my own life and in the lives of our children.
But due to the make up of our family we have experienced what you spoke of in every area.
I do want you to know that my elderly mother-in-law, loves our church and the people in it and feels very loved. There are people there that go out of the way to make her feel at home. I know many people stop and speak with her when she is waiting for us to do clean up. She did point out to me that at least two of your young parishioners were listening on Sunday, in that they came up to her after service and introduced themselves and told her their ages and something about their families. She was touched deeply.
As the disabilities go–our daughter’s invisible learning disabilities, which are due to her early severe malnutrition, make it difficult for her to communicate with other kids and to follow their play or conversation. She also has trouble with social cues, like a child with Asperger’s syndrome. Therefore she isolates herself a lot to deal with her disability. It is hard to see her alone most weeks, but we know God has an amazing plan for this wonderful treasure of ours.
Then for your last topic. Obviously racism is something we see and deal with often, especially in a city as white as ours. You can imagine our joy when we took our son to football practice for the first time on Monday and there were two other black boys and a black coach! Not something most parents think about everyday. But to be able to attend practice knowing you will not be singled out is amazing. His baseball experience was the total opposite-the only black boy and his coach called him "boy" and "brother." Thankfully it was only once each or I may have had some momma-bear-teaching to do. Interestingly the coaches were of Jewish descent and should have known better!
How many parents at our church have to have training sessions with their kids about what they are going to do and say in certain situations? We do, and maybe more should. A good one recently was with our son before going to his first football practice. We start out with the homeschool questions he might get. Those can be hard too. Then we move into the race issue. So I ask him what he is going to do if someone points out his black skin. I LOVE his response. "Well Mom I would say, ’Yeah, and you have white skin!’" Out of the mouth of our children comes the truth!!
But we have learned to accept that our lives are never private, that strangers will feel free to ask the most obnoxious questions or make amazingly offensive statements. Some of them are similar to when a woman is pregnant and someone says something like, "You sure are big for 7 months!!"
We are stared at by people who are probably trying to figure out the relationship between us. So I am constantly saying something like, "Come over here by MOM." It answers their staring question without making my children uncomfortable and usually they stop looking.
Then there are kids who stare and touch (believe it or not) and parents (probably too embarrassed) who say nothing!!! It was one thing when the kids were little, but they are old enough to notice, they know they are DIFFERENT, they know our family is DIFFERENT. If that parent would take the moment to say, "Yes, she has beautiful hair, but we do not touch other people’s hair," that child would have learned something and my child would have been comforted.
It is like when our daughter points out in the store the man with a prosthetic leg, everyone has seen her do it, he has heard her, my ignoring the fact does nothing!!! So I gently tell her immediately in everyone’s hearing that, "Yes, that man has somehow lost his leg, and he has been given a new special kind of leg so he can walk. How cool is that!" I have hopefully dispelled the tension of the moment, given the man an affirmation, and educated our daughter – all in 27 words!
We have also experienced ’reverse racism,’ where there is unusual preferential treatment due to someone wanting to make sure that people knew they were not prejudiced. This is my fear when you spoke of being overly friendly to people with disabilities, elderly, and race issues. I can guarantee that my family and my two youngest treasures in particular want to be treated just like anyone else, asked to join the games, a nice lunch conversations and fellowship. We are not special, we are just a little different in some ways, like a little more melanin in the skin.
No we do not live in a colorblind world. I have to prepare my treasures for this. But others can prepare their families too.
Thanks so much for taking the time to delve into this hard subject."