Preventing Child Sexual Abuse Among Our Precious Children

An annual reminder to parents to be on the lookout for life- damaging child sexual abuse
“And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me. But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea. What sorrow awaits the world, because it tempts people to sin. Temptations are inevitable, but what sorrow awaits the person who does the tempting." Jesus, Matthew 18:5-7

 

I am constantly being reminded of the pervasive nature of child sexual abuse in my encounters with its victims through my work as a Pastor. There are way too many victims out there. For this reason, I feel compelled to regularly sound a warning to parents and guardians to protect our children. Although unpleasant, because so much child sexual abuse occurs in churches and among church people it is all the more important that you take a moment to refresh yourself on the issue and make sure you are a soldier in the battle to combat such evil and prevent further casualties. The toll is high: I keep hearing from victims who were scarred as children and who carry their wounds into adulthood and their own sometimes-harrowing relationships. If you are someone who has never been affected by child sexual abuse, count yourself fortunate but don’t be naïve: it’s happening way too much and we can’t ignore it simply because it’s not out in the open. And with summer and its unique activities around the corner, this is a good time to review these warnings.

 

Let me say right here that I’m not bringing this up because of any problems for children at Bear Creek Church. Indeed, there is no whiff of concern here. Because I want to keep it that way, and because I want Bear Creek Church’s children to be safe, I raise this issue regularly.

 

Here are some things we need to remember, either off the top of my head or culled from the counsel of those who make it their mission to protect children or apprehend their violators (God bless these special people).

 

-Those who molest children are expert deceivers. They have to be: they have to win the trust of children, and the trust of people who should be protecting them. A burglar only has to be quiet; a murderer only has to be a good shot. But a molester has to be more cunning than any other criminal. They’re predators, after all. So they’re not people you’d expect to do such things: those people are easily recognized and avoided. Successful predators pride themselves on their ability to pull the wool over parents’ eyes. I’ve heard testimony that would make your skin crawl about how these guys get to their little victims. Watch out for the people you least expect to violate your children!

 

-These predators are almost always friends or relatives of the victims. Incidents involving strangers, of whom we must still be wary, are nonetheless rarer than incidents involving friends or relatives of the victims. Again, these are people who have to have the trust of the victim and his or her guardian. Trust very, very few people with your children.

 

-Predators only need a few minutes to violate a child. It can happen in public, it can happen at family gatherings, and it can happen in front of others without them knowing it. Indeed, predators know that if they can molest a child while other adults are nearby it sends the message to the child that what is happening must be okay and lowers the child’s resistance for future encounters.

 

-Parents need to start this discussion with their children, in age-appropriate language. Children need to know what’s off-limits, what their body parts are called, and to feel comfortable talking about this. Experts agree, and most Moms realize, that many children will not bring up suspicious behavior on their own unless they’re already used to talking it over calmly with Mom and Dad, especially if the violator is a family friend or relative.

 

-Molestation often starts with play or teasing that looks innocent enough. For example, I’ve heard of enough examples of “tickle games” turning into outright child sexual abuse that I’m ready to say they should be banned outright and should flat never happen between a child and an older person, especially any man. If your child loves to be tickled, let that be a Mom/child game only. Or Grandma: Grandma can tickle.

 

-I mentioned churches and church people, above, since it’s true that we Christians tend to be more trusting of others. That’s why some predators prey on Christian families and churches. That’s also why we have strict rules about the interface of children and adults at Bear Creek Church. If you see a violation of those rules, or if you see anything that makes you uncomfortable, immediately speak to our Director of Children’s Ministry, Kim Clark, or to Pastor Jim, Pastor Brian, Elder Steve Murphy, or myself. My number is 541-821-1643, and I’m available 25 hours a day.

 

If you are a parent, be very, very careful about who you trust your child to. Especially be wary of any male who seems eager to spend time with your child. It is best for your child never to be alone with any one other male, ever, even for a few minutes (a few minutes’ ride from the ballpark, for example). Make sure your child knows what is wrong behavior and what is right behavior, and will be free to share with you if something odd happens. There are some parts of his or her body that must never, ever be touched, and your child should be clear on this. Think twice and three times about letting your child spend the night anywhere but safe in his or her own bed, and greatly restrict your child’s access to the internet and all media, either at home or anywhere else. If your child shares what may be a report of sexual abuse, absolutely do not contact the person suspected of abuse: instead, call the police and let these caring experts do their job. Don’t overreact in the child’s presence, since you don’t want to scare them into clamming up, but it would be hard to respond too aggressively to such worrisome reports.

 

If you are a perpetrator of child sexual abuse, stop reading this and call the police now. There is help out there for you, and forgiveness from God through the blood of Jesus, but justice requires that you first submit to the authorities. Call me if you’d like, because I can help you, or get you help, but rest assured I’m going to call the police as soon as we hang up. I’m a sinner like you, but I am compelled by scripture and law to do this, and it is the only loving and just thing to do.

 

If you are a victim of child sexual abuse, you may not even realize it because it began early and continued right through your childhood. You grew up with it so it doesn’t seem that “bad.” Even so, you may unwittingly be struggling with self-concept, relationship and depression issues. Further, if you stuff it, your perpetrator will be out there continuing to victimize children. Almost all perps have multiple victims. Help them by confronting the issue, legally if necessary. If you want help, there are a number of excellent resources to help you recognize the gravity of what happened, whether you were severely violated or only touched or rubbed or whatever, and find healing. (I’m sorry to have to be graphic, but victims need to realize that Uncle or Neighbor should not have been touching them through their clothes, or rubbing them, or kissing them, or etc. That is not play, or simply weird, or “not serious”: it is child sexual abuse, plain and simple and clearly.) If you’d like specific direction or referrals in this area, I invite female victims to contact my kind and understanding and confidential wife Nancy (NDM44@aol.com), who can point you in the right direction. Male victims are welcome to contact any of us Pastors.

 

Anyone interested in this subject, from any angle, can find tons of resources in a few minutes on the web. Look for Christian help: only Christians understand the deeply spiritual aspect of child sexual abuse, which is it’s most important aspect. Focus On The Family (www.family.org) is one place to start: they recommend some good books from trusted Christian publishers. Some of these were written by victims, others were written for people who help victims, others were for men struggling with lust, etc.

 

Does all this make you parents a little paranoid? Good. In this day and age, paranoia is a very good and Godly response among parents who love and shelter their children and who hope to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, instead of wrestling with the terrible, long-lasting results of sexual molestation.

 

-Pastor Dale Meador

Written By: Pastor Dale

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