What I Learned From My Cancer

From cancer victim to cancer beneficiary: one woman shares the lessons learned through her breast cancer diagnosis

 

 

Months ago, I asked this precious saint: what have you learned from your cancer?  Here is her encouraging, God-glorifying, heart-felt response, written anonymously.  Diagnosed with breast cancer in January of 2008 at age 46, this wife and mom opted to have a mastectomy the next month.  Since then, she continues on an oral treatment.  Last summer, another lump turned out to be a step-and-a-half removed from cancer.  She writes: “I have some decisions to make.  I am leaning toward having another mastectomy.  It would be a preventative thing. Looking back to two years ago really gave me comfort for facing this new adventure.  God was there and he won’t leave me now.”

 

 

What did I learn from having cancer?  My initial and short response: I learned to trust God, and I learned to let people in.  Rereading my journals from that time, confirms: I learned to trust God, and I learned to let people in.  And more.

 

 

Let me fill in how God got me there.

 

 

Through feelings of denial, fear and punishment I learned God loves me and is drawing me near to Him.  He wants me to trust and rest in Him.  Though he has the power to prevent painful circumstances from happening, sometimes he just doesn’t take the pain away.  Instead he uses it.  He loves me enough to see me through those circumstances, for my good and His glory.  In this case He used my cancer.

 

 

I also learned I am good at denial.  Denial is a way of coping.  It has its purpose and season.  I tend to want to live there.  God in his grace and mercy brought me gently and lovingly to reality.   I never thought I would see the word “cancer” and my name on the same page.  I had to see it in writing before I could start to process it.  The pathology report confirmed what the doctor had told me. 

 

 

Another thing I learned from having cancer is that fear is ever-present.  Fear comes with cancer…it’s just a fact.  At least it did for me.  I could not separate the two.  Fear was in me.  Fear was around me.  The enemy used fear to attempt to separate me from God.  I was afraid of death.  I was afraid of treatment.  I was afraid of making the wrong choice of treatment.  I was afraid God was punishing me.  I fell into despair.  I fell into the pit of beating myself up, like I had done with so many other circumstances in my life. But while I struggled a lot with fear it did not prevail.  It is not the truth. 

 

 

It is not the gospel.

 

 

God was not punishing me.  If I am His He won’t punish me.  His wrath was poured out on Jesus.  It is complete!  He did not hold back, saving a little wrath for me.  That is me thinking I have to punish myself as though Jesus dying isn’t enough!  How self centered of me. I confess I am an idolater. Cancer revealed me and where my heart is.  So, here’s God showing me Himself and showing me- me.  What a gift!  He is putting things in true perspective for me. 

 

 

So, I learned the gospel in a most real and personal way. 

 

 

Which brings me to my next…What did I learn from cancer?  I learned my hope is in Jesus.   The recent diagnosis of cancer had a way of keeping me on my knees.  What else could I do?  Who is going to help me?  Yes, doctors and treatments could help.  I came to know my hope was in Jesus not my circumstances.  Jesus is the comforter, the peace giver, the healer, the Savior!

 

 

Another lesson: let people in.  That might sound stupid, but I am good at isolation.  For good reason, I have been hurt by letting people in.  I had people gather around me and pray for me and love me.  It was quite something.  I had not experienced such an outpouring of love and support.  I hardly knew what to do.

 

 

As I am taking my son to school one morning shortly after learning of my diagnosis I see a billboard sign.  It reads…I AM HERE FOR YOU, CALL UPON ME AND I WILL ANSWER YOU.  JESUS.  I am not making this up!  So, while fear was doing its number on me God was right there in the middle of it.  Practically a neon sign! 

 

 

I had some profound and personal dreams during this time that showed me of God’s love for me.  How he wants me to trust and rest in Him.  As I look back and reflect and almost re-live this time, I am struck with both terror and great love.  I can say it no other way.  It is bittersweet.  A hard pill to swallow but look at the gift!  I got to see God work.  I got to trust Him some more.  I got to let people in and be loved.  I got to experience a great fear (which is no picnic) but through that I got to experience the love of God.  

 

 

Perfect love casts out fear.   I got to trust in him.  I would not have rested in Him if I didn’t have something so terrifying to rest from.  In other words God knew what would cause me to run to him.  He loves me that much. 

 

 

So, looking back I can truly say cancer is a gift..  and mean it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Written By: Anonymous

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