In Your Face About MySpace

The 1977 movie Star Wars captivated more than just one college student like me. In 125 minutes, George Lucas took us to the far reaches of the galaxy and to distant planets, all through star-studded space, aboard ultra-sophisticated ships or super-powered jet fighters. Kids, teens, and college students could not wait to go see the movie again…and again…and again. We were hooked. It wasn’t just the script that captured our interest: it was the technology! How did they make that movie? How did they make it look so real?

During this time, I worked with youth and was privy to parental chatter about the Star War movies and other issues that caused apprehension among parents. I was also a new mother, and so I listened intently to their questions and concerns. Was it ok that junior saw Star Wars and Return of the Jedi seven times each? Was it ok for them to see those movies at all? What about Darth Vader? Was he too evil to watch? Would this introduce their children to a new “religion”?  What about all this new technology? Was it harming their children’s Christian walk?

Nearly twenty nine years later, I am still privy to parental chatter about their concerns regarding all of this technology stuff. It seems like every year or so another new technological advancement pops up in our culture, and once more, we’re captivated. Ten years ago it was email: when people were signing up for email accounts by the millions, parents were again concerned about their children. Was it ok to give their teen their own email account? How could they monitor their email conversations or access to ungodly internet sites?

Five years ago, it was cell phones: was it ok for their children to have one in high school, or should they wait until college? How could their child’s conversations, contacts, and minutes be monitored? What if their child gave out their cell number to the wrong person?

Today, it’s MySpace.

For those who don’t spend hours and hours online, MySpace is a giant “blog.” A blog is a site on the internet where you can post a message, letter, or picture, and where others can read what you have written. If they’re allowed, they can post their letters and pictures on your blog site, as well. Think of it as a giant ‘diary’ that is open for friends to read and, in some cases, respond to. MySpace is one giant blog – now over 40 million people big – where mostly young people say whatever they want to say, however they want to say it, and in whatever form they choose, including pictures. MySpace.com is growing, and quickly; it is now phenomenally popular and the hottest new “social club” out there. Similar sites like Facebook, which requires a college email address for access, are not far behind.

The mastermind behind MySpace is CEO Tom Anderson, a musician-turned-marketer who teamed up with internet expert Chris DeWolfe to create a website for people in the   Hollywood film and music industry. Their aim was a site where musicians, models, and actors could encourage each other. Today, just a few years later, it is hard to find a teen or college student that doesn’t have a MySpace account.

This has created two very serious problems.

First, although MySpace advertises itself as being fun and safe, you’ll find a lot of content that is no fun, and quite dangerous.  Allegedly, the rule is this:

Share your photos to let friends and other members see who you are. Photos may not contain nudity, sexually explicit content, violent or offensive material, or copyrighted images. Do not load images of other people without their permission. If you violate these terms your account will be deleted.

Oh, really? When I recently visited several sites of teens I know from local high schools, I found - with no restraints and the click of a button - soft-porn pictures, violent images, cursing, and foul and degrading language in abundance on some of these sites. And safe? On some sites, girls actually gave detailed directions on how to get to their houses, or listed their cell phone numbers so they could be reached anytime, anywhere.

One example of the problems raised by such openness came in this report from NBC News:  

Police in Connecticut arrested a 21-year-old man, accusing him of raping a 14-year-old girl he found on MySpace. On Long Island , investigators say another man found the work address of a 16-year-old girl on one of the Web sites last fall, lured her to a parking lot, and sexually assaulted her.

Unfortunately, these are not isolated cases. One Internet safety specialist said that for a pedophile, MySpace is "one-stop shopping by catalogue."

So MySpace isn’t always fun and safe. Secondly, just like with internet and email use, MySpace can cause addicting and self-absorbed behaviors. Because friends can reply to a MySpace account quickly, kids often feel the need to check their account several times per day to see if there are any new postings. One young lady, a Christian, remarked to me,

“I can’t wait to see what my friends have said about me or to me, so I go onto my account probably 10 times a day, at least! If someone’s said something nice to me or left a fun picture, it just makes my whole day. But if [my friends] say something mean or sarcastic to me, well, it can make me really grumpy and sad.”

Because over 87 percent of children in America now average nearly one and a half hours per day and over nine hours per week on the internet- much of that time spent blogging – it’s no wonder that family dynamics in our society are changing. Those hours are ones not spent immersed in family activities, conversation, and godly teaching. Add to that another five hours per day watching television and playing video games and you have the makings of a deadly missile headed straight to the heart of a God-glorifying family unit.

So, is MySpace “bad”? Have I been telling parents to delete their children’s accounts? Well, the answer to those questions is both “yes” and “no.” The advice I give parents about MySpace or Facebook is, in fact, the same that I have been giving them about the internet, email accounts, and cell phone use for over a decade now, and that is this: Parents, be good, godly parents! Know your children! If you, as a parent, are not thoroughly involved in your child’s life in the area of computer use, then for goodness sakes, pull the plug. Delete that MySpace account immediately. If, however, you know intimately what goes on with your child, then prayerfully consider if MySpace - or Xanga, FaceBook, Friendster, or personal blogs - are appropriate for your family. Ask yourselves the following questions to help with your decision making: 

1) What is your child’s purpose in having a MySpace (or other blog) account? Do you consider it to be worthwhile?

2) Do you have complete access to your child’s account? Do you check the site frequently?

3) Do you know what MySpace accounts your child accesses? Have you checked these sites out? Does your child know what sites or blogs are allowed, and which ones are forbidden?

4) Is your child using the block feature, only allowing those friends that they (and you) know well, and who you consider to be responsible friends, to access their site?

5) Has your child refrained from listing any personal information (ie. last name, address, phone numbers, city, etc.) on his/her account?

6) Is your child accessing their account a few times per week, or are they online several times per day for an extended period?

7) Are the postings on his/her account fun, friendly, and God-glorifying, or does the commentary fall under the category of “unholy” or “useless drivel”?

Technology in of itself is not bad, but when parents hand their children over to its trappings and do not monitor, control, govern, and enforce boundaries with intimate involvement, guidance from His Word, and love, then just like with anything else – from calling to chatting to courting – your child can be swallowed up on a worldly path that can bring heartache, devastation, and destruction. 

Parents, get online and check out MySpace.com. Find out if your child is blogging. Get details. Discuss. Ask questions. Ask more questions. Make decisions as to whether or not you want your children on these sites at all. Set boundaries, whatever your decisions, and then consistently enforce them. Stay involved. Pray, pray, pray.

Then go rent Star Wars and watch it together.

Proverbs 2:11: “Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.”

Philippians 4:8-9: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

Romans 12:2: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

With her husband, Barb Thomas has raised three terrific kids. She has long worked with teens and their families and today heads Barbara Thomas Biblical Counseling. She attends Bear Creek Church in Medford, Oregon.